Hi friends,

I’m writing to you this week as I visit with my oldest and closest friend, who lost her dad, Aziz, this week to dementia. I’ve known her family since I was 7, and our families spent a lot of time together growing up. They are chosen family to me.

Aziz was a really fun person. He was a sweet, and loved to tease people. His humor is what I remember most. Towards the end, he couldn’t verbalize anymore, so he would make faces at people to make them laugh. He also worked as a pharmacist for 40 years, and loved being a pharmacist.

He was super proud of me for going to pharmacy school. He always asked what I was up to in my job. He teased me when I took a corporate job saying “you don’t stand for your job? You’re not a real pharmacist.” chuckle-chuckle-chuckle. It makes me simultaneously want to cry and laugh writing this.

Grief is a topic that continues to come up again and again as we shift into midlife.

The grief hits in ways we didn’t even imagine: we have to grieve our youth. Grieve old relationships. Let go of plans we had that we know (for various reasons) aren’t going to be realized. We may even grieve how living in our bodies used to feel- the sleep we once had, the resilience in the mind (which, I’ve been told, comes back post-menopause), the capacity for digestion, the easeful orgasm.

And of course, we must grieve the people we lose, including our parents, siblings, friends, partners, and eventually, come face to face with our own death.

Sometimes as the losses start to pile up, there is also anger. I want you to know it is okay to feel whatever you feel, and it can be ALL over the place right now.

One of the things that is so hard about this time of life is that things are changing so fast.

It won’t always be like this.

It won’t always be like this– whether it’s ‘good’ or ‘bad’ right now, so BE in your life as much as you can.

For me, one of the biggest reminders from this loss is that people each have their own beautiful signature they bring into our life. Their presence is everything.

Nobody is asking right now if Aziz checked off his whole to-do list last week, if he got that promotion or wrote that book, or if he did his life perfectly (he didn’t).

Everyone is just missing him being here.

And that is YOU, too.

None of us can see for ourselves how precious we are to those that love us. Please remember how precious you are, especially during this messy midlife time.

​
Much love,

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